Feelings

Airports are the best place to meet with an old ghost of ours. While you're hugging there is plenty of people surrounding you not caring whether you're hugging your brother, your friend, your father or even your ex boyfriend. It just fits, it feels right, it is the right place for people to meet.

I can't say how happy I am for my meeting to be there. Not drunk in a club like it was more likeable to happen. However, I guess this relationship -it still counts as a relationship even though it is not a formal one- is meant to happen bookishly. Everything could be part of a fairy tale, locations, situations, problems, solutions... I suppose I should be used to it, but I'm not.

I don't know how I feel today. It is just weird. I had the most useful talk with one of my boy friends. He said it is normal to feel this way. This is not a resurrection of love, it's just a normal feeling when you see someone you actually cared about after a long long time.

I do stalk him a little. I guess that is just normal too. I am not as concerned as I was a couple of days ago, though. I just think I should let things be, let them happen. Come what may, at least I know we can have this cordial relationship for now. I am pretty sure what hurt me was the idea of him not caring for me, not even caring for what we have been through, for him to have this terrible idea of our relationship, which wasn't perfect, obviously, but I still see the bright side of it and I would love it if he could see it as well instead of just pointing out everything we both did wrong.

I am in this stand-by place. I sort of feel nothing, but I care about him and I know something will change. It has to. I can't be in this place forever. I just can't.

I will know it tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day.

Goodnight.

Something I need to say to a special someone

I know you probably don't feel the same way about me like you used to. And I'm not saying I do but I did feel something when I saw you after all this time. Something inside me moved and clicked. Something that had been closed for a very long time opened, something changed.

When we hugged I couldn't think of anything. I didn't. I just felt. And when you say those terrible words about our past relationship, it just breaks my heart.

I know I haven't been perfect and I am not saying that I will. But somehow I need you. I need your approval and maybe I even need you to feel something. A sparkle, a hint, something.

I can't believe I'm still on this page after all but I'm guessing some things can't be kept away from us, we have to suffer them to make sure we can let them go. Or cherish them and stick to them until the end.