I feel like I'm living this situation once again. Déjavu? Maybe.

We are together. We stop being together cos I know, for sure, that it can't be. He meets a girl. I'm jealous. He's hesitating. I'm waiting. He's with her. I'm obsessing. It doesn't work out. He's back. I'm hurt. He tries. I'm too proud. Time goes by. We are together. We stop being together cos I know...

I can't believe I'm in this situation. AGAIN. Maybe it's time to break this vicious circle. Maybe I'm just hurt and jealous and too proud. But I cannot deal with this anymore. Now, I'm tired.

Yesterday talking with one of the nicest guys I've ever been with, I realised how fucked up is the feeling of not wanting to be alone. So what? You just hang out with someone you know for sure you will never fall in love with? Just to feel like you have someone to rely on?

It is quite sad, actually. And I am sure that we have all felt this way. But I say: NO. Let's stop this. At least I am, I am stopping this need to be with someone when I actually have the best I can have. My very beloved friends, they are my sweethearts and the apple of my eye. 

New situation. It's not that I hadn't been here before, it's just that's been so long since I last felt this way.

I have no man I'm actually interested in. Just boys that I feel ok with, nothing sexually or whatsoever going on. Weirdest thing? I'm actually fine with it. I may be tired of non-sense relationships. I have too many expectations in the future to be wasting my time with any dummies over here.

Besides, I believe this can mean something good to me. No men for a while. Let's see how this works out. I'm becoming more demaning as I grow up.

"Ain't nobody got time for that."